All posts by Duke Dundreary

A Christmas Message from Sal Luccatato

Xmas Sal

90% of people don’t believe they gotta worry about ghosts around Christmas. Sal Luccatato takes a moment to say 65% of those people are wrong.

Sal Luccatato’s Got The Solution For You

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It’s true. I do. And that solution is get rid of the ghosts.

Hi, I’m Sal Luccatato and you may think that’s termites chewing on your baseboards, but it’s not. It’s a Wall Phantom, and that’s much more costlier in terms of damages and incidentally, removal.

It’s just like that noise in your chimney. You probably think that’s bees or maybe just a cat eating a dead squirrel, but it’s not. It’s a Chimney Spook. Or even worse, it’s a Roof Ghost that fell into your chimney and got stuck.He’s gonna rattle around in there, causing an increased build-up of bio-plasmoid residue which can fill your home with noxious ghost-fumes that could kill your children in their sleep.

Don’t let ’em do this. Call me.

 

Sal Luccatato’s Removal And Restorations

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Ghosts. It’s a scary word, and an even more scarier problem for your home.

Hi, I’m Sal Luccatato, and this is a commercial for my company that will say things similar to this message that’s not this message but with the same underlying message about ghosts and how much they can fuck up your house.

Fear Bomb

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It’s the #1 asskicker in America with his #1 Bestseller, FEAR BOMB. The book critics and people are praising alike:

Walter Shandly of the New York Post says:

“I literally shit myself just reading about what I could be doing to the structural integrity of another human being”

Kip Chiston of The Washington Herald says:

“Reading is for pussies. So, it’s great that this is a book. It will make them stop being pussies. Which is fine, because this is the last book they’ll ever need to read.”

Irwood Spectrish of Revenge Digest says:

“If I had hands, like I did before the war, I’d be using them to open this book. And then I’d use them to destroy the bastards that took my hands. But since I have hands in this scenario, what would be the fucking point?”

Yes. Tap into your inner badass and release your own personal FEAR BOMB!